Catfish McDaris – Flash Fiction

Pink Toenails

The post office lets all the clerks be mail carriers for one day. My assignment is to drive around and empty all the deposit boxes in a certain section of the city. I follow my map and go from box to box and empty all the letters and small packages into the back of a blue jeep. It’s mundane, but it gets me out of the building for a change.

I’m driving along and I see a shapely brunette walking a small dog. She waves me down and asks for a ride. I know this is against regulations, but I like her pink toenails. “Hop in babe,” I tell her. She has her dog on her lap; her blue dress starts scooting up her long legs. I soon figure out she has no panties on. I grab the dog and toss it in back so I can get a better view. Looking in the back the dog is pissing all over the mail.

“Do you want to bury your bone?” she asks, as she plays with herself. I pull over on a shady stretch of pavement. She’s got her tits out and dress up and yanks my pants around my ankles. The dog takes a shit on somebody’s birthday card. I get it in and start really working and this giant rat jumps out of nowhere and grabs the dog by the throat. The dog is getting murdered and the woman is screaming and this just turns me on more. I’m trying to bust both nuts into heaven. The woman and what’s left of the dog jump out of the jeep. Half naked she attempts to beat away the rat. The rat jumps back in the jeep, landing on my dick, clawing and chewing, and I erupt all over everything.

The woman starts running down the street, but drops the dog. I try to chase her down, but end up running over the dog, killing it. I gather up the dog waffle and later throw it in a mailbox I had emptied before. The woman is a ghost.

I figure, I’ve fucked a beauty, got blown by a rat, made breakfast out of a dog, and mailed it. In the process I committed the number one postal sin, defacing the mail. I drive back to the post office.

The dock boss asks me how was my day.

“It was kind of boring, but not too bad.”

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